Articulating Writer's Block

Recently, I haven't felt like writing.

When I tried to write something, I felt stuck. I'd sit there in front of a blank screen, swivelling back and forth on my chair. I became quite well-acquainted with the backspace key, never satisfied with anything I created.

The only thing I have to show for it is the ever-growing pile of drafts in my inbox. It is almost as if they are creatures of the night, concealing themselves in the shadows and never seeing the light of day.

As a result, I have avoided this space and procrastinated, not giving myself time to be inspired and write. 'Just do it' should be my slogan, not Nike's. But as I've forced myself to sit down to write something, I've realised that maybe there's a bit more to this writer's block.

What is the purpose of this blog?

Is this a creative endeavour for me? An outlet for my dormant desires to write to my heart's content? To share my love for words, questions and books?

Is it a business venture? An avenue for another stream of income? Do I want people to pay for my writing? Do I want to sell a product?

Is it to share the goodness of God? Do I want people to come to know the person of Jesus? Do I want to encourage people to read their Bibles more?

Can these three purposes coincide with each other? Or does one purpose need to take precedence over the others? Which one of these purposes do I care about the most?

These questions plague my mind every time I put pen to paper. They pull me in all sorts of directions and if I'm being honest, my answer changes every time I write.

Is it for me?

See the thing is I love writing, especially about what God is teaching me in my life. There are so many lessons through my encounters with God, interactions with people, questions and answered prayers and often I can process it all the better when I put pen to paper. It feels natural to share these things but when I write personal blog posts, I worry it becomes too much about me. I worry that I might come off as self-absorbed, stealing the spotlight from someone who truly deserves it. But if the purpose of this space is to write to my heart's content, I don't need to worry about the type of blog posts I am posting. I can be authentically and honestly just me.

Is it for you?

For my readers, what is something valuable that I can give you? What would encourage you to consider your place before God, help you draw near to him and remind you that he cares deeply for you? What would be worth your time, your consideration and your money? I think a lot about these questions and depending on which purpose I am thinking about, how I approach this space also changes. Am I allowed to write something that moves your heart towards God and at the same time, desire for you to attribute monetary value to my writing? Is it okay for me to consider what is needed, create a product that meets those needs and sell it for a price?

Is it for God?

Is this the purpose that should take precedence over the others? If I knew I was writing just for him alone, would that change the way that I write? Would it change the type of blog posts or my style of writing? Would it change my view of whether my writing should be free or paid?

Is it supposed to be this hard?

When I think about all these questions, it makes writing not so enjoyable. I become all the more aware of these desires and they feel incompatible together. I don't know if they're supposed to fit together or how they're supposed to fit together, and it frustrates me. They're kind of like a jigsaw puzzle with three hues of colours, but with no completed picture and no edge pieces. The only way you can put it together is by taking a piece, putting it against another and testing it to see if it fits. A gruelling and never-ending trial of middle pieces.