It Begins With A Step of Faith

I've talked about my history with blogging (if you haven't already, make sure you hop on over and check out To Many More Firsts before you read this post) but I wanted to share a little bit more about my thought process behind this blog.

As I mentioned in my previous post, it was God's prompting that led me to start this. But if I'm honest with you, I'm still not sure about this blog even after all the prayers. I still have many of the same doubts and fears I had initially.

Fear #1: I have nothing to give.

The first doubt that comes to mind is that I don't have anything special to say. There is an abundance of material that has already been written by the most amazing, God-fearing people and I wonder what I can give to you as one of my readers if anything. I don't have any profound wisdom to share nor do I have an excellent theological argument. I'm just a twenty-five-year-old who is still figuring out life. What can I really say that hasn't been said before?

Fear #2: Writing makes me vulnerable.

The idea of posting my writing online terrifies me. Writing has always been something I've kept to myself. A somewhat private past-time between God and me. It embodies my thoughts and feelings. It carries my personality and character in its ebbs and flows. The words I choose and the tone I use reflect my inner dialogue. I know it's not the same as public speaking but it feels somewhat intrusive. It kind of feels like my journal is being left open for anyone to read. They can flip through its pages in their own time, for their own enjoyment. They can come to their own judgements about my words and who I am as a person. And I'm choosing to leave it there?!

Fear #3: My writing will be bad.

For something that means so much to me, the prospect of finding out that I may not be as good at it is daunting. I may completely suck at writing and putting my writing out there into the world may prove just that. What if the flaws are so blatantly there, that readers are unable to look beyond them? What if my writing is bulky, unreadable and un-relatable? What if there are grammar and spelling mistakes?

Fear #4: People won't read my writing.

I know this is a bit ironic. Part of me wishes that no one will read my writing so that no one can judge it. But the other part of me also wants people to read and enjoy my writing. As I prepare for the launch of this blog, it's easy to write these posts because no one is reading them. But what happens after I launch it? What if no-one reads my writing?

The doubts and fears that I have are very real. Even as I've opened up and written about them, I've gone back to rewrite and edit, unsure if I've said too much.

The Faith of Abraham

However, as I wrestle with these doubts and fears, I am reminded of the story of Abraham in Genesis 12.

12 The Lord had said to Abram, “Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you.

² “I will make you into a great nation,
   and I will bless you;
I will make your name great,
   and you will be a blessing.^[a]
3 I will bless those who bless you,
   and whoever curses you I will curse;
and all peoples on earth
   will be blessed through you.”^[b]

⁴ So Abram went, as the Lord had told him;

I've heard many sermons on this passage and every time, it still blows my mind. God tells Abraham to leave his country, his people and his household to go to a foreign land and he just...goes. Sometimes I wonder if Abraham had doubts and fears about leaving behind everything he knew.

While the passage remains silent on these details, it does tell us that Abraham was obedient to God and went because God had told him to go. And it's absolutely crazy because he doesn't even know where he's going! He places his trust in God to lead him and fulfil the promises He has made to him. Abraham demonstrates faith and obedience to God, the kind that I want to have too.

This passage has been so pivotal in my life that I've adopted it into a phrase, a mantra of sorts to remind me of this. It's the phrase 'faith > fear' and it has pushed me outside of my comfort zone, reminded me to put others' needs before my own and called me to obedience. It's been a difficult decision to make, to lay aside all my fears and doubts and to choose faith first but it's one that I will continue to make all the days of my life.

It's a decision that I made in starting this blog, based on nothing more than God's prompting.

The fears and doubts that I have, the uncertainties of this blogging process, they're all still there. They haven't magically disappeared overnight but despite them, I have chosen and will continue to choose faith in God. He will lead me to where I am meant to be.

Will You Join Me?

I'm not sure what this journey will look like and where it will take me but if you'd like to be a part of it, would you consider joining me on this journey?

One way you can do this is by entering your email address below and subscribing to my content. I'd love to give you behind-the-scenes snippets and create more meaningful resources that would bless you as my reader but as I figure this blogging thing out, what it'll mean is that you'll receive my weekly posts delivered directly to your inbox so you never miss my updates!

You can expect to hear from me every Friday.

Lots of love,
Sheena